No too long ago I cried for 90 minutes straight while attending yoga class. I did not know it was possible to cry for 90 minutes while moving, holding poses, and breathing, but it is – at least for me. Due to this emotional waterfall I have decide to write about:
Tears and Such…
Why I cried is not important. We all have emotional moments even hours or months or years, because as humans, we all have emotions. Some of us release hard emotions through yelling, some by laughing, some while crying, and others have their own unique method(s). Then, there are the millions of people who push emotions down deep, drown them with alcohol, numb emotions with drugs, or blanket emotions in overeating, and all sorts of other emotional acrobatic tricks!!! Such is the way today in our culture. Or so it seems to me.
The current message is: Don’t experience the beauty of emotion. Instead, try to cover it up, hide it, hold it, or press it away. And now, shame, fear, guilt, love, compassion, and longing have become less acceptable than anger. One day, not too long ago, I chose tears.
Tears and such can teach, but only if we pay attention and notice, and let the emotion move.
I think this is how yoga and emotions support one another – in both we are moving. Yoga is moving the body. Emotions is moving our feelings, in, out, around, stuffed, pushed, up, down, and all around; all of this is moving emotion. As are the tears themselves, they move emotion a drop at a time.
I was exhausted after my nearly silent outburst. I was embarrassed. I was testing the limits of the compassion of my yoga instructor. I was testing the space of the studio I was practicing in, could it hold my emotions with me? I was testing the students in the class, would they tolerate a fellow student sniffling, blowing her nose, and dripping sopping wet salty tears and such….
I was not testing any of these boundaries on purpose, I was simply being in the moment, feeling what I was feeling.
I was testing the idea that the practice of yoga is a “safe place,” that the yoga mat is a safety zone. I found out that it is. When my exhaustion subsided a few days later, new life erupted inside of me. In the words of Paulo Coelho, “Tears are words that need to be written…” (found on Author Unlimited).
I take this to mean that tears are creative droplets – to be used in words, paint, music, or any other creative pursuit. Tears point us in the direction we need to move – if we listen, if we pay attention, notice, and care about our own heart’s callings and yearnings.
Two in-progress paintings. Dancer and Yogi.
I have re-started my regular blogging – I am not sure if this is related to my tears, it might be. I also got my gesso out of hiding, and paper, and a few substrates for painting, and I began creating in larger scale for the first time in about a year.
The tears were loaded with emotion – why I cried is not important.
That I allowed tears and such to fall and move through my body is ultimately a beautiful gift, a reminder of change and the impermanence of things, times, and places.
Tears and such are teachers and notes of wisdom from an inner depth.